So you’re working on your goal and get a call from a friend. Instead of continuing to work on your goal, you take the call. Even worse, you go out and hang out with them. You haven’t set personal boundaries and allowed yourself to get caught up in something that doesn’t contribute to your goals.
As Wendy Schofer, MD, Founder of Family in Focus, puts it, ‘Goals are achieved by chipping away at the obstacles and challenges between where we are and where we strive to be. When others are allowed to place their obstacles and challenges in our way, we are derailed from staying on our path towards our goals.”
With that being said, in this article, we will dive into why setting personal boundaries is crucial for goal achievement, and how to effectively do it. To provide you with the most accurate and helpful information, we’ve incorporated insights from experts in the field.
The Downsides Of Not Being Able To Set Boundaries For Goals
Before we dive into how you could set boundaries as a part of goal setting, we’re going to dive into the downsides of not being able to set boundaries.
- Failing to set boundaries between work and personal life often leads to emotional exhaustion and less happiness.
- Not setting boundaries not only leads to emotional exhaustion, but it also leads to stress and anxiety.
- Decreased Confidence and Self Esteem: When it comes to setting goals, the more you keep promises to yourself, the more your confidence increases. Going out with friends instead of keeping the promises you made to yourself will decrease your confidence and self-esteem greatly.
- Neglect Of Personal Needs: A common misconception about setting boundaries is that it equates to working all day and neglecting everything else. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. As Dr. LeMeita Smith, Director Of Clinical Services at United Health Services and Psychological advisor at Tarotoo, aptly puts it, “Moreover, personal boundaries are not just about work. They are about nurturing your mental and emotional well-being, which is crucial for sustained success. When you set aside time for self-care, family, or hobbies, you recharge your energy and creativity. You become more resilient, ready to tackle challenges head-on.”
- Strained Relationships: Not setting boundaries properly will also hurt some of your personal relationships, which can have a negative impact on your personal life.
Ways to Establish Clear Personal Boundaries to Achieve Your Goals
Now that you know how harmful it is to fail at setting boundaries, let’s dive into how to effectively set personal boundaries.
Determine Your Top Priorities For Every Area Of Life
As we mentioned above, boundaries are not only set to work or personal life. Every area of your life deserves a boundary, and setting priority is the first step towards that. Once you determine your top priorities in each aspect of your life, you could then set boundaries according to them.
Here’s an example schedule of setting boundaries
6:00 AM – 7:00 AM: Morning Routine
Start your day with some self-care. This could include meditation, exercise, a healthy breakfast, or simply some quiet time with a cup of coffee. (self care)
7:00 AM – 8:00 AM: Family Time
Spend quality time with your family. This could be preparing and having breakfast together, helping kids get ready for school, or simply chatting about the day ahead. (family time)
8:00 AM – 12:00 PM: Work
Dedicate this time to focused work. Turn off notifications on your devices to avoid distractions and concentrate on your tasks. (work)
12:00 PM – 1:00 PM: Lunch Break
Take a full hour to enjoy a healthy lunch and relax. You could also use this time for a quick walk or some light exercise. (self care)
1:00 PM – 5:00 PM: Work
Resume your work. Remember to take short breaks every hour to stretch and rest your eyes. (work)
5:00 PM – 6:00 PM: Exercise
Spend this time on physical activity. This could be going to the gym, taking a yoga class, or simply going for a walk. (health, self care)
6:00 PM – 7:00 PM: Personal Time
Use this time for hobbies or personal interests. This could be reading, painting, playing a musical instrument, or anything else you enjoy. (self care)
7:00 PM – 8:00 PM: Family Dinner
Have dinner with your family. Use this time to connect with each other, discuss your day, and plan for the next day. (more family time)
8:00 PM – 9:00 PM: Relaxation
Spend this time winding down. This could be watching TV, reading a book, or any other relaxing activity. (self care)
9:00 PM – 10:00 PM: Preparation for the Next Day
Prepare for the next day. This could include planning your tasks, preparing meals, or setting out clothes for the next day. (everything all together)
10:00 PM: Bedtime
Aim to get a good night’s sleep to recharge for the next day. (self care)
Remember that it’s ok to alternate your boundaries on different days to accommodate for friendships, personal development, etc. However, it’s important to establish a regular routine that will help you achieve your goals.
Adjust As Needed
The very first time you set boundaries for different aspects of life, it may not be the very best option for you. For example, your wife may complain that she doesn’t have enough time with you. Or you may find that the 2-hour break drags on and makes it difficult for you to get back in focus. Whatever the situation is, it’s important to be honest with yourself and adjust accordingly. Reflection is very important.
How To Maintain Boundaries Over Time
Over time, it could be easy to turn back to our old habits. All it takes is one slip, and the old habits come back. Psychotherapist Mollie Spiesman emphasizes the importance of maintaining personal boundaries. She states, ‘Setting personal boundaries significantly aids goal setting by enhancing focus, time management, and decision-making. It empowers individuals to prioritize tasks, prevent burnout, and build accountability.’ To make sure you maintain boundaries over time, you could do the following: …”
Write Everything Down
When it comes to goal setting, writing everything down is extremely important. Having everything written down will ensure that you stay accountable.
Communicate Your Boundaries With The People In Your Life
One of the biggest traps people fall into is keeping their boundaries to themselves. It’s important to communicate everything to the people in your life to keep them from asking you to do stuff during your times of boundaries.
Get Used To Saying No
This one is the toughest one. When a good friend you haven’t seen in a while calls you put to hang out, it’s easy to want to say yes. You have to embrace that comfortable no if you want to take your personal development and more specifically your goals to the next level.
Consistency
The more consistent you are, the more discipline you build. In the beginning you may feel guilty for not going to see that friend, but has you get more disciplined you will get more guilty for missing out on the work you have to do.
Tips To Enforce Boundaries Effectively
To get even deeper, it’s time to talk about little tips that will help you set boundaries more effectively. Here are some of the top tips to do that:
Silence Notifications
When you get notifications that don’t align with what you’re doing at that specific time, your focus could be destroyed. This keeps us from getting into a flow state, which is essential for getting work done faster and in a more efficient manner.
When we are distracted during times of work, it ruins the outcome of your whole day, which makes it much more difficult to set efficient boundaries.
If you have an iPhone, you could utilize focus mode to keep notifications off during certain times of the day.
Examples of Focus Mode On The iPhone
- Concentrated Work Mode: Establish a dedicated work mode that suppresses notifications from apps and contacts unrelated to work, ensuring an uninterrupted work environment.
- Academic Concentration Mode: Implement a study mode that quiets social media alerts and other potential distractions, aiding in maintaining focus on your scholarly pursuits.
- Workout Mode: Activate a fitness mode that mutes notifications during exercise times, enabling you to focus on your workout without disruptions from incoming alerts or messages.
- Personal Time Mode: Set up a personal mode that prioritizes notifications from your close circle of friends and family, assisting in achieving a balanced work-life dynamic.
Communication
Tell your wife, kids, or whoever that during this specific time you are not available and that your focus is on a certain task. Let them know that once that task is done, you will be available to them (unless there’s an emergency of course).
Use Tools And Apps
I personally use the Today app on my Mac alongside a timer. On the today app, I set the specific tasks, and then I utilize the timer for the time period of that specific task. Do some research on specific apps that could help you stay focused during your work sessions. Everyone likes different aspects of different platforms. For example, people love Notion, but for me, I can’t get on board with it. To each their own.
Conclusion
Now that you know the importance of setting boundaries it’s time to get started. Start slow, and adjust as you go. You don’t have to get everything right the first time, and that’s ok.